Death is imminent. Whether it is a physical death, an emotional or mental death, a spiritual
death, a cyclical death such as the changing of the guards or of seasons or out with expired
ideas and paradigms, death is necessary. Knowing this does not make it any less painful.
However, we do not have to suffer. How is that possible? When we don’t contest what is for
what we want to be different, it is in our surrendering that we have opportunities to make
healing moves in integrity. From that place, we negate the suffering that often comes with pain
but does not have too.
Two days ago, I lost a friend who was sister to me and who later began to tell me that she felt
mothered by me. As much as I do not want this to be happening now, I know that it is. I will
cry. I will cry probably more times than I care to admit. I will also laugh as I remember her love
for me and all the things I learned from her. Her deliverance at times would have me on the
floor or questioning my sanity. I will smile at her wisdom. I will grieve and release the sadness
that I did not know she was depressed. I will eventually make peace with myself and her but I
may wrestle with anger as well. We both got several chances to remind each other that we
love and loved deeply and no amount of time nor distance stopped that. So much was not said.
We thought we had time. Time in many ways is allusive. No matter how much time we have, it
never seems enough.
What I will choose to do as I process all that has happened is live. My sister friend was once
feisty and vibrant. She was funny and such a comedienne. She was a brilliant soul that died too
young. She was an excellent story teller, orator, and writer. These are the things I will
remember. Sometimes, I feel death hit before her spirit left her physical body. Depression is a
bitch. This we did get to briefly speak on. I promise to honor her memory by living out loud.
Laughing as hard and as much as I can while stringing some of her favorite curse words. She
would be so proud. I promise to honor her life and her legacy. Even in death, I feel her
teaching me, reminding me, and supporting me in her own way telling me if I keep her near in
my heart she is never far away.
Nikki B be at peace. Thank you for our journey together.